TLC’s newest show about an insular religious community, “Suddenly Amish,” has almost wrapped its eight-episode first season, and despite the conservative reputation of the religious sect, it stars a churchgoing diva named James who delivers more drama than a whole season of “Real Housewives.” Below, I attempt to explain why this reality series — and James — have me riveted.
OK, what is this crazy show?
The premise of the reality series is that six English (Amish slang for “non-Amish people”) head to an Amish community in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because they want to consider joining the lifestyle for…reasons? It’s all very unclear, but each one of them seems to have done a laughably poor job at even the most basic research, which would tell them the lifestyle is incompatible with their personalities.
To wit: Judah is bisexual, but that isn’t OK in Amish communities; Aaron’s hearing aids are bluetooth enabled by his cell phone, but cell phones aren’t allowed; Esme feels uncomfortable without makeup and fake nails, which aren’t a part of Amish life; Matt is divorced, which is forbidden; Kendra wears clothes with cleavage, which is a no-no; and Billie Jo says she’s an Amish fangirl, but also packed a sex toy in her luggage, which, wouldn’t you know, is not allowed in Amish culture.
although these extremely bumpy starts, Bishop Vernon, the patriarch of the community, is worried about the shrinking Amish population, so he wants to invite these people (and cameras) in to see that their way of life is calm and honest in an increasingly complex world.
Meet James (and his straw hat)
Amazingly, Vernon tasks James to be a leader for these curious English, and the journey is set to be his own redemption tale. Before the show, James was shunned from the community for cell phone use, so he’s working on proving that he’s godly enough to be seen as a positive influence and get back in good graces.
Seems simple, right? Brace yourself, because it quickly becomes clear that James is vindictive, conniving and stuck in a love triangle between one of the English and his third cousin.
James starts to unravel quickly, as it’s clear he has eyes for Kendra, a former dancer whose body he sees dressed immodestly one too many times. While her outfits are par for the course for an L.A.-based content creator, she inadvertently hypnotizes James, who takes special care in overseeing her journey and advocating for her.
James grabs an ax
Unfortunately for him, Matt quickly starts flirting more overtly with Kendra, which James clocks. During a group dinner in Episode 2, Matt mentions that he is divorced, which James notes is forbidden in the community, and he has to leave immediately. (“I’m not going to let them bring any evil in here … They could cause enough disharmony to the point that it topples the church,” James said, with a smirk, while discussing it in a testimonial.)
From there, James grabs an ax and, swinging it absentmindedly in his left hand, escorts his romantic rival off the property. It’s the kind of moment that likely made producers cheer, as well as pray that no one would get murdered with an ax during their shoot.
Once James returns to the dinner, Judah has the most sober analysis of the situation, saying in another testimonial: “James is crazy. James is a psycho.” Allen, a kind, older mentor in the community, agreed that James’ behavior wasn’t called for. “James driving Matt off … he should not have the ax in his hand. That gives Matt a very nasty picture of the Amish way of life.”
Twerking at the Rumspringa tailgate
Matt’s departure upsets Kendra, which James leverages by allowing her to use her hidden cell phone to call her mother. At this point, the English, Allen and James’ live-in third cousin Emma start regularly discussing his crush on Kendra.
It doesn’t take much longer for secrets to start spilling out from under James’ straw hat, as Matt returns to the community at the end of Episode 4 in order to see Kendra again. Things come to a head at a Rumspringa tailgate party, where young Amish people leave the community and temporarily live English in order to confirm they want to stay religious.
James drinks to excess and shows too much interest in Kendra twerking in her Amish garb, which upsets a jealous Emma. This causes the cousins to spend much of the evening play wrestling and caressing in ways that I personally avoid with family members. It’s gross, but although they claim they’ve never hooked up, they’ve done the math and confirm that they can.
As the cast notes the hypocrisy of James’ drinking and his PDA with Emma — both of which are not allowed for the Amish — blurry footage is shown of the cousins running around the house late at night, up to some funny business in both the bedroom and the bathroom.
Breakups and departures
The next day, Matt takes Kendra on a date and, after another confrontation with James, he decides to leave again, and she opts to stay with him at a motel for the night before he goes. James furiously grabs a lantern, a horse and a buggy and heads to the motel in order to confront the pair.
“There are many ways to be tempted: Serving the flesh, serving self … Kendra is somebody I want to protect. Kendra has a future here. Kendra has great potential. I don’t want her to be defiled,” James says, chillingly.
although James’ nonstop knocking, the pair doesn’t open the door, and when James arrives back home, Emma is angered by the stunt. This causes the relatives to finally get real in their testimonials, as both Matt and Kendra leave for good.
James, on Kendra: “She has this potential to be a good Amish wife. It would have been nice to have her around longer. There’s natural chemistry.”
Emma’s rebuttal: “If Matt and Kendra would have been given an honest chance, if we would have treated them right, they would have stayed. The biggest reason why they left is because of the way we didn’t do our part. We’ve done something extremely wrong, and there should be no reason why they want to leave.”
This disconnect causes Emma to flee the house and move out entirely due to James’ actions, but she’s hesitant to describe them at length — except via a late-night hidden camera, which catches her talking furiously with James.
“You want Kendra,” she says. “I can’t associate myself with people who lie, with people who deceive … I’ve never heard so much bullshit in my entire life.” (Note: Profanity is, of course, not looked highly upon by the Amish.)
The biggest blow? When the cousins are in testimonial together, and Emma looks at James and says, “I feel like I did my best in setting a good example, but I need a better leader.” Ouch!
Lurching towards the finale
After sending his cousin fleeing, banishing two of the contestants, and quickly losing the trust of the elders that could help him get un-shunned, James is still acting like a villain to the remaining four English. The night before their Reckoning Day, when they determine if they’ll stay in the Amish community or not, James continues to toy with their emotions at a group dinner.
“Me and Allen could put in a good word — if we desire to,” James says, wiggling his eyebrows.
“There’s only one night left, and James is still playing games, playing with our emotions. When does it ever end?” Judah laments in a testimonial.
“I am very disappointed with James dealing with the English that way,” Allen says in his testimonial. “His viewpoints on the Amish lifestyle are very different from mine or my brothers. He can be very, very hard.”
finally, James makes a compelling case for nature versus nurture when it comes to reality show villains. if not he’s sneaking a smart TV into the communal phone shanty, he doesn’t realize he was born for this shit. Manipulative, mean, self-righteous — and that’s just in his first season!
finally, while Allen is the sincere soul who makes the Amish lifestyle seem calm and forgiving, it’s great to know that, however secluded the community is, there are hot messes like James everywhere.
Watch James confront Matt before he grabs his ax in the scene below.
“Suddenly Amish” streams on HBO Max, and its first season finale — which includes Reckoning Day! — airs tonight on TLC.
Source: variety.com
